Dear People of Christ Church,

This week, I’ve been thinking about vocation, defined in such a lovely way by Frederick Buechner as “the meeting place between your deep gladness and the world’s deep need.” Over the weekend, I attended our diocese’s ordination for the diaconate. I serve on the diocesan Commission on Ministry, the group that works with the bishop when candidates apply for ordination, so two of my advisees were getting ordained, along with Rachael Pettengill, who has worked as an intern at Grace Church, where my husband serves, and as the Protestant Chaplain at Tufts. Even Isaiah wanted to go, since Rachael has taught his Godly Play Class at Grace.

It was a big service-the church has 9 new deacons, who in January will all be ordained priest. What was especially neat was that the ordinations for our diocese were at Emmanuel Church, Boston, where I served for a year as an assistant before coming to Christ Church. So a lot of vocations came together for me that morning, as a member of the diocese as well as mother and priest, all leading up to my ten year anniversary of my ordination (today, as a matter of fact).

Processing in to the church, I remembered the feeling of being so new to the work of the church. Ten years ago, I’d just moved to Boston, had only been married for less than two years, and had no children. Though I loved the way living in New York City had made me feel like I was part of something bigger, I didn’t miss the low level of stress that came with Manhattan’s constant buzz or the way my very traditional seminary made me feel like such a misfit. Now, I came into that space having launched into a wonderful and strong ministry with you at Christ Church. I walked with my son, whom I couldn’t have imagined at that time. I’ve recovered from seminary-pretty much!-and I have been blessed beyond imagining in this work.

Emmanuel Church is cavernous-you practically need binoculars to see the altar from the back. Entering in, you’re engulfed by a sense of sacred space-on Saturday, with two bishops and 20 other priests and 9 ordinands, it was big. Entering in while your 7 year old walks at your side and you remember how it felt the first time you entered a church as a clergyperson, sacred space doesn’t just engulf you, it slaps you in the face and punches you in the stomach at the same time, leaving you reeling and out of breath. (For another piece I wrote about priesting and mothering, in the context of church hospitality, see my blog post.)

Most often, of course, the sacred nature of our lives doesn’t come quite so forcefully. The usual life of a Christian is more Road to Emmaus (“…So, I guess that was Jesus”) than it is Road to Damascus (“Holy @#$, it’s Jesus!”). While we sometimes get knocked off our horses, more often you have to do the work of attentiveness and patience, watching and waiting. Sometimes you have to squint so hard to see God you close your eyes and pretend you’re somewhere else. At those times, it’s totally fair game to complain-the psalms are a great resource for complaint (at least 40% are legitimately categorized as lament, in which the petitioner prays for God’s deliverance in anger, sadness, despair).

What is always true, though, is that vocation is in the context of the world as we know it. Your vocation is not to be found later, it’s to be found where you are right now. Your vocation at this time might be preparing for something else-going to school, for example-but that doesn’t make it any less than what you are called to do right now.

How do you understand your vocation? Do you feel like you chose it, or did it choose you? Caring for a sick parent or spouse is a vocation born out of the depths of love, not always gladness. Caring for children is a vocation, but for every time you gaze lovingly on a sleeping child, there might be three nights they refuse to be still long enough to let you get any sleep at all. Just because God wants you to do it and your deepest gladness is part of the story doesn’t mean that you will always feel glad about it.

Leaning into summer, where is God calling you? Where does your gladness meet God’s love and longing for the world?

Blessings,
Sara+